Semalam adik sedara aku massage aku.. konon very..very da concern tentang aku.. konon.. tu.. konon ni..bagi orang yang baru kenal pasti orang akan kata aku ni kejam but...ok ni "bualan" nya
M**** Lee June 2
y out of sudden u become so mysterious??
did i do things that u cant even forgive me...
i seriously dun understand...
u seems so happy wit all the pic u post...
Riza Binti Yahya June 2 at 1:22pm
Y can't I?? Always try to care coz thinking caring is much more precious then money.. but seems to all money always come first n as for me... i'm just a dumb ass... money truely speaks louder then anything... its in everyones heart but all trying to cover by showing false care... naa... u will never understand.. read my blog if u really want to... not to promo my blog.. but to put away junks that has been in my heart for all my adult life... my heart is already to full for extra junks.. hoping this blog can help me to share the burden.... .
M**** Lee June 2 at 1:26pm
if u rily tink like that i got notin to say..but to me care is more important than money..i might dont understand why out of sudden u bcome like this..there is so many things happen to me and my dad...
that money cant solve it...
running away like this isnt the solution for everything..
kuku is concerning bout u too...
Riza Binti Yahya June 2 at 1:39pm
hahaha.... thats y I said no one really can understand.. not even Zalee the always clever boy in the family... now i really understand y mamie also become like what i become.. sorry to say but its enough... Just can't take more junks.. in my short life... one who life on "land" will never live and understand the life of "under the ocean".. I used to live on "land" thinking that is where I suppost to be.. but now I realise i don't belong on land tho i was born there...just like turtles.. they feel happier in the ocean coz thats where they belong... but they will still be coming back to land every year................... .
M**** Lee June 2 at 1:48pm
ok...not i noe...
all i wana ask is..
y u still let the past bothering u..isn't it future is more important??
u still remember the day pou pou past away how sad are we...
do remember..how long can ur parent still live in this world..
if u rily wana do things like that...dont regret when those things happen...i guess u noe wat i mean...
i tot i alwiz can be the one u can open ur heart like how i did to u..
even when i was very young i stil remember u sayang me alot...and i alwiz help u massage even tho my hand is so penat...
y u keep wana tink of those negative stuff...does it help u to love or hate people more???
does it make u happy??
is not i wana throw back question on u...but tink about it properly...
i noe alot of bad stuff happen to u...u alwiz hide in the room..alwiz scared..
all i wan u to noe is
I do care bout u...
i do concern bout u...
if u wana keep ignoring me like this i gonna be utterly disappointed with u.... .
Riza Binti Yahya June 2 at 2:01pm
Hahahaha... I wonder if u even Zalee really been through what i've been through can u ever forget.. when every time ur hand hurt coz of the pass... whatever u've said is only the outer layer of whats inside.. already i've been hurt in my younger year.. y hurt me now.... coz i'm just the no used fella... just remember this... I won't defeat... I won't let the pass pull me down... but as I said in my blog I won't let that happen to me happen to my kids... and will admit my wrong say sorry loudly to my kids if i know i'm wrong.. and won't be ego just because i'm an adult...as what they did.. even untill now. I don't care no more if anyone care bout me... what I do know is that i have more precious and delicate heart to take care of... I don't need care... if u really think u care.. just don't be as ego as them to your baby..... coz realise it or not you oso becoming so... so don't be... .
M**** Lee June 2 at 2:09pm
if u rily tink like that then i shall not bother u anymore...
i felt i'm like an idiot who worried bout...call so many people to search where the hell u go...tinkin that bad things might happen to u...
hella yea...i'm an idiot for being caring and love the people i should...
i dun k...i gonna be who am i...i wont let anything change me...
i will alwiz care for the people i care...i alwiz dun hav me ego..i alwiz admit my wrong...and at least i dun hide from who i shud and wat i shud do..
i dont let any1 down...and i learn to forgive and forget...
i might dun hav been thru wat u did...but tink bout that...u never been thru wat i been thru....
at least u still have a place to stay when u go back home...but i dun...i having my hard time too...i wish i could tell u...but i been lookin u for months...no one to let me to open my heart to...
dun tink that u are alwiz the pity one.....
open ur eyes wide...u'll see there are alot people more pity then u..
at least u have a family where people like me envy so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! .
Riza Binti Yahya June 2 at 2:25pm
Say what may.... Think what may... coz one day you'll understand what u don't now... u don't walk my lane and i don't walk on yours.. coz thats what god do... i never said mine is worst then anyone but to read what you write just can't stop thinking ... will people ever muture enough to let one understand each hardship they been through... I shut my mind and be silence coz i'm reading my pass... study'g.. understand'g... figure'g... try solve'g.. putting a side every "feelings" aside... coz most adult tot they are always more muture n more experience from the younger ones... Life is just like lines ..will be much smoother if you manage to find the gap between dots and fill it with dots... Now is my time to shut up and think.. and find that gaps...maybe someday it will be ur turn.. or u just wanna let it be..... ;)
Aku kelakar bila fikirkan balik... kerana manusia selalu berkata betapa dirinya lagi teruk dari orang lain demi nak buktikan dia lagi hebat tangani masalah... sedangkan aku di sini .. "berdiri" di blog aku ini bukan hendak meraih simpati sesiapa.. Segalanya hanya kerana jiwa aku dah terlampau penuh dengan "sampah" dan aku mahu blog ini sebagai tong sampah agar aku tak lagi bawa "sampah" aku kemana2 aku pergi...
Maaf andai korang juga terasa membaca sampah2 aku ni... Kenapa aku kata aku dah bersedia nak ceritakan segala sampah dalam hidup lampauku adalah semata2 kerana selama ini aku tak pernah jumpa jawapan pada "sharing" aku itu.. aku tak pernah tahu bagaimana untuk lepasi diri aku dari lemas didalam "tong sampah" sendiri.
Nampak tak betapa orang yang kata dirinya "CARE" hakikatnya cuma cuba menambah "sampah" dalam hidup aku.. Bak kata orang caring is sharing... but how well you share to make people realise how deep you care..
Memang aku berada didalam kepompong aku tanpa aku tahu bagaimana hendak aku keluar menjadi rama2 cantik sepertimana rerama lain... Saat bila diri terlampau lama didalam kepompong kau jadi seperti dah terbiasa dan seperti inilah sebabnya kau dilahirkan...
Namun setelah kau sedar ini bukan dunia yang kau mahukan.. dan ini hanya sementara sahaja.. kau "struggle" hendak keluar.. dan aku dah diberi cara oleh Dr. Uma... Dan tempat ini bukan medan untuk aku malukan atau hina atau aibkan sesiapa...
Lucu bila dia kata aku "runnig away.." M**** dear... naif nye kau... Kau belum cukup dewasa untuk faham bahawa untuk "CARE" adalah dengan selami apa sebenarnya keadaan orang yang ko nak care dan bukan hanya baca sikit dan terus merapu2 yang "rubbish"
You think you know all about me.. but sorry dear... just think our age gap.. and you'll understand that I don't think the way you do.. although you kept thinking your thought is more muture then me .. well M**** just wanna say... "hahahahaha..."
Kadang2 betul kata Mamie.. dengan tak absorb "sampah" orang kita lebih jelas nampak apa yang orang lain tak nampak. Hati kita lebih terang.. jiwa pun lebih tenang..
Apa yang aku nak kata disini.. adakalanya kita terlampau memaksa diri untuk "CARE" pada orang sedangkan diri kita pun belum dapat kita jaga 100% Bukan maksud aku tak payah care langsung tapi kalaupun hendak care.. biarlah sincerely care..dan bukannya care semata2 hendakkan satu hubungan berpanjangan... It will end up people know n realise your just faking it.. tak ke bodoh jadi nye.. Dan satu lagi biarkah care tanpa nak balasan dicare balik coz.. tak ikhlas tuh...
Walau apa yang dah berlaku pada aku, tetap care pada mak bapak aku..dengan cara aku yang baru aku "fahami" dan aku tak kisah kalau cara aku kali ni lebih dipandang "jahat" oleh mereka atau sesiapa sahaja... Aku care tapi kerana aku tak mampu care pada diri aku.. aku perlu cari ruang agar aku jumpa balik cara aku untuk care pada diri aku..
Masa menentukan segalanya.. andai aku tetap diberi peluang oleh yang Esa untuk aku balas jasa dan budi mereka besarkan aku (walaupun dalamnya banyak memori hitam...) aku pasti akan dapat juga laksanakan dan pastinya tanpa "FAKE"....
Aku dah tak takut kata2 orang... pergi mam*** dengan kata2 itu kerana bukan mereka yang miliki mind and soul aku.. dan bukan mereka juga yang rasa apa yang aku rasa... kecuali ALLAH swt... tak payah lah mereka cuba nak tunjukkan jalan untuk aku berjalan.. By the way... segala yang aku dah nampak segala yang aku dah tempuh aku tau apa tu RAHMAT.. apa tu NIKMAT.. dan aku dah mula berani untuk mengorak langkah seterusnya dalam hidup aku...
Selepas satu lagi "kisah duka" yang juga bagiku kini sampah hidupku... yang akan aku ceritakan.. aku harap blog ini akan beri orang keceriaan seperti yang aku mahu dan sedang cari dan miliki....(Don't worry.. be happy....)
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